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1.2.6-Aresnergal
Brick!Club 1.2.6 JEAN VALJEAN Guess whose Backstory it is ? =D Ok technically titles aren’t always good indication I mean the title of that section is Fantine and guess who we haven’t met yet ? (I think we still have two weeks to go before meeting her) (I can’t wait) (I’m sure talking about Tholomyes will be funny) Okay so, Jean Valjean’s backstory. And yes Brie is a cheese, but honestly considering it’s FRANCE MOTHER OF CHEESE NO WONDER ENJOLRAS LOVES YOU HE JUST LIKES CHEESE, it’s not that surprising. Also, Brie is good cheese, would recommend. First important thing to note, Briards (no, not the dogs, though the dogs come from there too) peasant suck at giving name, which may be why they gave the cheese the name of the region and not some awesome name, but at least they didn’t name the cheese Jean or Jeanne, which apparently is what they did systematically in Faverolles, I mean, Valjean’s daddy’s named Jean, somehow he marries a Jeanne, and they call their kids Jean and Jeanne ? Are all seven nephews and niece named Jeanne and Jean too ? That must be so inconvenient when you live together, like, “Hey Jean come here” and then every single male in the house goes because they’re all Jean. And they end up having it in their family names too. Though I think considering those are characters who aren’t ever really talked about after that part, Hugo wanted the most banal name ever, like it could be about anyone or something. I don’t know. Anyway soon enough mommy and daddy die, then the sister raise Jean Valjean which is nice enough considering she keeps making kids like a rabbit, but then her husband dies of plot convenience or maybe he was too tired because of said rabbit-ing, but anyway he dies, so Jean Valjean becomes the working man. He’s not instructed at all but he seems like a nice uncle with the milk-paying and he works a lot and apparently doesn’t have much to eat because they’re 9 and apparently in the pack his sis is the alpha and she puts her kids before her brother. I probably would have said she was pretty ungrateful had she taken Jean’s meat for herself but it’s for her kids so maybe she just reckons that growth needs more protein than work I don’t know either. But then Victor Hugo also slips his little phrase about the fact that he hadn’t any “good (lady)friend”. I must say, having read other Hugo’s work, the rest of that book, and a vague idea of his life, I always chuckle at his insistence of making most of his important protagonists virgins (of all genders and ages, so I guess at least there isn’t double standards) and making it a sign of magical speshul purity that hey they don’t even think about such low appetites ! That’s funny because Hugo totally had them. Oh well, Jean Valjean could form a nice virgin club with Enjolras, pre-mariage Marius and Cosette, Baptistine, Soeur Simplice and probably Javert. And if we do a cross-over we can add Esmeralda, Frollo (though he tried to quit) Quasimodo, Gwynplaine, Déa, and Duchess Josiane, and probably others. Anyway. Suddenly there’s no work anymore for Jean Valjean and Hugo really want us to know that it’s not an expression when he says there’s no bread and 7 kids, but don’t worry dude I never doubted that. So Jean Valjean breaks a glass apparently with his bare hands and take the bread and tries to flee but obviously he’s caught and he injured himself in the process. Valjean, you suck at crime. He’s tried and convicted and Hugo tells us he’s a super good shot, and yes he means better than anyone, we’ll see later that he’s as good at firing a rifle as Javert is at predicting short range misfires. Also, if he has a rifle and poaches, I’d say going in the forest and finding a rabbit or a bird to kill and eat probably would have been a better idea but what do I know about how to chose your family-feeding crime. I think Hugo’s poachers > city thugs thing is entirely made around the idea that poachers and smugglers being in God-created Nature they mostly gain animalistic traits like a grumpy hermit stereotype with super senses, being kind of “out” of society, while the town brigands, being in men-created towns among other men end up being hateful worms “below” society who only want to screw up everyone above they can put their claws on, something like that. Anyway I hope the sis and her last kid somehow survived, poor little things. That’s really sad because with his failed theft, not only did the bread feed absolutely no one, but the family lost their main long-term support. PSA : IF YOU’RE STARVING, ONLY ROB A SHOP IF YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF ABOUT THEFT, or you’ll end up bringing the opposite result upon yourself. And then end up in a prison which hardens you into a wild man. Who tries to run away every single time it’s your “turn” (I wonder how they decided whose turn it was) And you’ll fail every time because you’ll still suck at sneaking and escaping. I mean He tried like, four times ? And apparently instead of making progress, he became worse and worse at it. Dude, OLD Thénardier later’s way better than you at that sort of stuff, you should be embarrassed. Clearly Jean Valjean is a warrior class guy. Like, a tank or a paladin or something, with a -500 malus at trying to be sneaky. And when he tried the first evasion he was one year away from being released, talk about wasted time ! Oh, and at the end Victor Hugo can’t help placing a little auto-promotion about how he can’t think of a better thing to make his characters steal than bread. Victor, your sneaking is even less discreet than Valjean’s. Next Time, we enter Jean Valjean’s brain =D ! Commentary Smokefall wah I don’t have enough brain to Brick Club tonight but this is amazing, tumblr user aresnergal I hope you know that you are bringing me joy on a daily basis with your chapter summaries bless you Pendragonslayer Everyone, this is an accurate and true description of Jean Valjean’s backstory. Pilferingapples …They’re ALL named Jean.XD As Gascon-en-exil points out, Valjean’s non-love-life is, for once in this story, not written as a sign of his purity, but his alienation; he’s forced to work so hard there’s simply no time. It’s no matter of choice, or chosen focus; he’s just too tired. And so there’s one less tie to keep him looking to the outside world as anything but a different kind of limitation once he goes to prison.. (I continue to love your chapter comics!)